This year has been one full of growth and coming to terms with some realities. It’s been okay-ish. It tends to feel like I don’t move forward fast enough, or don’t do quite enough, yet the years are not to be measured solely on the successes determined by the world, nor the number of personal accomplishments I have ticked off the imaginary list. It’s hard to just, be, more often than not.
For me, the purposeful exploration of self and identity has been an ongoing project for decades, and the intention of travelling less, for shorter periods of time to work on various projects has been challenging. Feeling cooped up is almost second nature to me, especially when weighed down by responsibilities (ugh.) Knowing theory, like knowing the theology behind my belief, doesn’t mean that my heart understands these things.
Lately, I’ve been working on a fun project, where I spend time in the studio being lost. Introspection is not as easy when faced with a blank canvas, asking yourself “what do I want to say without words?” I think this is the general rule of thumb, if I knew exactly what I was going to create and how I was going to go about it, it would probably be rather dull. The lack of control is probably both a vice and a virtue.
It’s kind of crazy to say that I am finally (finally!), going to launch my first collective body of work, titled Time, in two months. There’s still much to be done, but I am taking it one day at time as things have gone into production (and is now beyond my control.) I had been toying around with this idea when living in London back in 2021, and it felt so far away, improbable, or… impossible? But now that it is in motion, it actually feels like, nothing. I don’t feel anything. As an ideas person, I wonder if the idea is better than the actual, tangible product or execution of said idea? I am weak at execution, often losing steam and talking myself out of ideas. Thankfully, I talked myself out of talking myself out of the idea? How meta.
Now that things have moved into the slightly more tedious stage, I’ve found myself wandering about the next collection – my latest interests and things I’d love to explore more of. It feels like a puzzle for now – one to treasure.
Denise Taw 